JOY!

 

JOY!

Sunday, August 11, 2024

Take a few seconds to clear your mind and think about your work, whatever it is that you do all day to keep the house operating, kids fed and clothed, bills paid, and life rolling from one day to the next.

For just a moment, consider your typical work day. What thoughts come to mind? What emotions? Do words like joy, pleasure, and enjoyment pop into your head?

I don't know about you, but when I think about my typical work day, muscles in my neck tighten, my teeth clench, and my stomach churns. Words that come immediately to mind are words like "stress," "exhaustion," "frustration," "inadequacy," and "grief."

Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. I believe it has eternal Kingdom value. I care about my patients and feel privileged to be part of their journey. I have a fantastic team of coworkers. The pay and benefits are good.

So why the neck spasms, teeth-grinding, and digestive issues?

Well, I am trying to figure that out.

* * * * *

You know how you can read a passage of Scripture multiple times, and then on your umpteenth read-through, something completely new jumps off the page at you?

As I struggled with the disparity between how my mind and heart feel about work vs. how my body and emotions feel about work, I found myself reading in Ecclesiastes in this year's read-through-the-Bible.

I have read Ecclesiastes probably a dozen times. Nothing new here, right?

Wrong. There is always something new.

"There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment?" (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25, ESV, emphasis added)

"I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in his toil - this is God's gift to man." (Ecclesiastes 3:12-13)

"So I saw that there is nothing better than that a man should rejoice in his work, for that is his lot." (Ecclesiastes 3:22a)

I am going to be perfectly honest: I cannot remember the last time I woke up on a Monday morning feeling joyful about the week ahead.

Chewing this piece of gristle, trying to figure out what's going on inside my head and my heart, I have decided that either (1) my heart is not in the right place, and I desperately need God to change my heart - or - (2) I am not doing the job that God actually wants me to do and I need the Holy Spirit to help me understand what that job is. I am sure there are other possibilities - (3), (4), (5),... - but these are the two I've come up with so far.

So for now, I am praying - and wise sisters are praying for me - that God will change my heart and that He will show me clearly what it is He wants me to do and where it is He wants me to be.

Because I am longing for joy in my labor. And apart from God, who can have enjoyment?

* * * * *

Sunday, September 1, 2024

I typed the first part of this post three weeks ago, then set it aside. Today, I pulled the post back out to reconsider, edit, and potentially share my thoughts. Can I tell you what has happened in the intervening three weeks?

First, three days after writing Part 1 of this post, I received a completely unexpected text from the nursing administrator at a local clinic: "We have an opening...Are you interested in the position?...We want you to apply...Can you come in one day next week to talk?"

The following week, I met the administrator, toured the facility, talked to other staff, prayed, and said, "Yes." As I climbed into my car after our meeting, I felt light-headed, giddy, positively joyful. I felt like a mountain had rolled off my shoulders. I start the new job in a couple of weeks, and I can't remember the last time I have been so excited to begin something new.

Second thing that happened: last weekend, I attended a retreat with dear, dear friends. We ate, we laughed, we cried, we prayed, we walked, we talked, and we poured out the burdens of our hearts to one another. We are all in seasons of transition, growth, change, and struggle. We all deeply desire the presence and direction of God in our respective journeys, and to know the joy, peace, and deep soul rest that comes from close fellowship with Him.

How often over the past several months have I prayed for Jesus to please give me joy, rest, peace? Too many times to count! But last weekend, in the sweet and safe fellowship of dear sisters in Christ, a light came on: Jesus doesn't give us joy, rest, peace - like medicine pulled off a shelf and dispensed in appropriate doses at needful times. Rather, Jesus IS our joy, rest, peace.

To paraphrase a point from Pastor Bill's sermon this morning, Joy/rest/peace is not a feeling: Joy/rest/peace is a person, and his name is Jesus.

I have been earnestly desiring and praying for the wrong thing. In my weariness, anxiousness, and disquiet, I have been praying for God to give me rest, peace, and joy - but what I really need is more of Him.

Jesus says in John 15: "I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser...Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit...As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love...these things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." (John 15:1, 4-5, 9, 11; ESV)

Jesus, I have longed for the gift, rather than the Giver. Forgive me. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for patiently and tenderly loving me anyway, for meeting my needs in spite of my sinful heart, for ever-&-always drawing me back to you. Thank you, Jesus, for faithful friends who consistently shepherd me closer to you. Thank you for Scripture, which speaks of you on every page. Thank you, Jesus, for being my rest, my hope, my joy, my peace. Help me, Jesus, to abide in you.