ALL I HAVE

I have nothing, but I find this is a gift. Look! I have nothing to lose!

Oh, Father, use my ransomed life in any way you choose,
And let my song forever be, "My only boast is you."
- All I Have Is Christ

COMPLETELY

If I am to be saved, it must be by Jesus, completely and completely.

In a scene from the 2003 movie Luther, Martin Luther lies prostrate on the stone floor of his cell, praying from a most broken and desperate place, "I am Yours: save me! Save me! I am Yours!" That scene has been stuck in my head lately, playing over and over and over.

That broken and desperate place is the "birthing room" of a new Christian life. But I am beginning to realize that it is also the home and the hearth, the very heart beat, of every waking moment of this new life...not just some snapshot in a baby album that we revisit as we reminisce occasionally on significant moments in our past.

All the prayers for repentance and wisdom, the desire to have an attentive and submissive heart, the yearning to be faithful and obedient to God's will for me and to walk joyfully in the paths He has given me...none of those have saved me, and none of them ever will. Only Jesus. Completely.

It's been a long, hard week. What an understatement! Driving home from Wal-Mart late last night, I was crying (exhausted) and trying again to wrap my brain around what it means to live a life of faith in Christ. Isn't it supposed to be something glorious, like preaching the Gospel under-cover in some Muslim country? Or, raising money for orphans in Haiti? Or, standing trial for my faith in Rome? Lord, really, is it just scanning suitcases of beer and carts full of frozen TV dinners? Instead of a spear or a gun, is it really just this relentless pain in my elbows and knees? Instead of the accusations of the Pharisees, is it really just taking the insults and verbal barbs of tired, nasty, bad-mannered people, trying to find some way to speak some light and levity into their day? Is it going home to a quiet house and cold left-overs, too tired to even think, but already conscious of the demands of tomorrow? I am worn out and lonely and not feeling particularly "fulfilled" - Lord, is this how it's supposed to be? Really, Lord?

I'd like to think I could do "great" things...witness in a hostile environment, endure persecution, die for Jesus. (Ooooooh, or maybe I could write something amazing!) But the reality is, I can barely even do the little things. Like say, "I'm sorry you've had a bad day - I hope tomorrow is better for you" to the man who just dumped a truck-load of garbage on me. Like smile and say "Thank you" to the Wicked Witch of the West. Like hold the hand of the gray-haired truck driver, on his way from Louisiana to New York, who is just too tired and wants nothing more than to get back home.

Nope. I can't even do the little things. I'm a mess. A disaster. If anything is going to save me, it will have to be Jesus. Completely. Save me Lord...I am Yours!

In this week's Soli Deo Gloria article, Wally Bumpas wrote: In 1 John 2:1, Jesus is called our "advocate with the Father." An advocate is like an attorney arguing your case. What is Jesus pleading when He "pleads our cause?" And why is this necessary?....we have a mortal enemy who accuses us (Revelation 12:10) before God. This enemy is Satan...He goes before God and says, "Joe and Jane Christian over there are very poor Christians. Their faith is flimsy and they sin a lot. They're not good enough for You and they certainly don't deserve to go to heaven." Though Satan is called a liar and the father of lies in the Bible, when he says such things about Christians, he is telling the truth. So, when Jesus pleads our cause, He doesn't defend us based on our obedience and our great faith. He pleads His own life and death in our place....That's what keeps Christians saved: not our performance, but Christ's substitution and intercession. (You can read the entire article here.)

Yes, if I'm to be saved, Jesus will have to save me. Yesterday, today, tomorrow...Jesus will have to save me, completely and for eternity, because nothing else and no one else can.

Glorious Gospel: Jesus does indeed save sinners! God chose the foolish, the weak, the lowly, the despised (1 Corinthians 1:27-31). Yes, that describes me. I need Jesus. Lord, I am yours...save me!

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith." - Romans 1:16-17

BIGGEST LOSER, BIGGEST WINNER

Sunday mornings at Grace, our adult class is working through Michael Horton's Putting Amazing Back Into Grace. This excerpt from a couple weeks back, addressing the doctrine of God's sovereign election, brought back some painful childhood memories!

We all remember the schoolyard games, when the most popular kids, serving as team captains, would pick the other popular kids. Everyone hoped to be at least a third- or fourth-round pick. Being chosen last could be so humiliating that the poor kid who was last often just gave up and stood by himself on the sidelines rather than suffer repeat performances. That happens in church, too. Choices are made concerning people based on their performance or popularity. But the doctrine of election puts folks in their place. On this playground, Christ is the team captain of the "foolish," the "weak," the "base and despised," the "nothings," in order to show the wise, the strong, the popular, and the "somebodies" of the world that we all come to him on equal terms, empty-handed (see 1 Corinthians 1:18-19). God has chosen a team that any "loser" can join...

Horton continues: Knowing that God has chosen us reminds us that we are loved, though not lovely; chosen, even though we're not necessarily choice in the eyes of the boss, the spouse, the parents, or the folks at church. We are accepted - not because we are acceptable ourselves, but because "he hath made us acceptable in the beloved" (Ephesians 1:6).

I was one of those kids always chosen last in PE class. Yes, it was humiliating. I was a misfit socially - shy, awkward, nerdy, the antithesis of "cool." Even though I compensated by over-achieving academically, I was always very conscious that I was different, out, weird, a loser. I was painfully reminded of that again this weekend.

Maybe that's why Horton's illustration hit a nerve with me. He didn't sugar coat the situation. Horton admitted the truth: "Yeah, you're a loser." But then he presented the Gospel - the amazing Gospel - that the Captain of everything, the creator and sustainer of the universe, looked at me as I stood with downcast eyes and a heavy heart, and He said, "I choose you."

So I've been reminded, again, that I'm a loser...something I'd momentarily forgotten living in the glorious sunshine of God's grace. Felt like a kick in the stomach. Made me want to run hide in a dark corner of the playground. Yeah, I cried. But then my lovely Captain sought me out, comforted my bruises, and reminded me anew, "I love you. I chose you. You are accepted."

Concerning the doctrine of election, Martin Luther wrote, "...the greatest and only consolation and assurance for Christians in their adversity is that...God does all things immutably and that His will cannot be resisted, changed, or hindered." Michael Horton summarizes Luther: "In other words, when God sets out to initiate someone's salvation, he inevitably finishes it!"

God is pleased with me because He is pleased with Christ, and His good purposes for me cannot and will not be thwarted. He will indeed transform this Loser into the glorious likeness of His beloved Son.

I am loved, and I am safe.

Yes, I'm probably the world's biggest loser, but you should just meet my Captain!

BAGGAGE

All of the grit of two hundred souls'
Consumables
(Milk, motor oil, pork shoulder, laundry soap...)
Settles into my left elbow
And both my knees
Like the black soot
Ground from ball bearings.

Not thinking,
I squat to retrieve an errant coin.
Knees protest and I wince,
Gripping the edge of the counter.
Come on, arms, elbows -
You must hoist this heavy baggage, too!

CLOUDS...BIG WITH MERCY

An elderly friend - a man I would describe as a Giant of the Christian faith - confided that he was dreading upcoming back surgery. Not just dreading surgery, but quaking in his boots, shaking like a child. "I am afraid...so afraid that I'm ashamed of myself."

I visited this friend when he was in rehab, re-learning to use his back, his arms, all of his muscles, really. As I walked to a table where he sat stacking plastic cups, his smile lit up the room. "All has turned out for the good!" he beamed.

Weeks later, at his house, my friend pulled out a hymnal and read to me these lines: "Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds ye so much dread are big with mercy, and shall break in blessings on your head."

"I was such a 'fearful saint,' Camille," he shared, "but God indeed rained blessing and mercy on me, greater than I could have imagined." His blue eyes twinkled in his age-lined face.

The line from the hymn he shared comes from "God Moves in a Mysterious Way," one of my favorite hymns, written by one of my very favorite hymnists, William Cowper. William Cowper's life story is worth reading - for a snapshot of the great struggles this man faced, click here. Amazing that a man so weak and broken could be used by God to write words so full of grace and comfort, words that, centuries later, still minister to God's children!

God Moves in a Mysterious Way
- William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way his wonders to perform;
he plants his footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines of never-ending skill
he treasures up his bright designs, and works his sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take; the clouds ye so much dread
are big with mercy and shall break in blessing on you head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense, but trust him for his grace;
behind a frowning providence he hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast, unfolding ev'ry hour;
the bud may have a bitter taste, but sweet will be the flow'r.

Blind unbelief is sure to err, and scan his work in vain;
God is his own interpreter, and he will make it plain.

(Sovereign Grace Music has produced a version of this classic hymn, set to contemporary music - you can listen to it here.)

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE REGISTER

You knew it was coming sooner or later...

My first three hours on the register last night were the worst half-shift I've pulled in my nine months as a cashier. Absolute worst. Hands down. I was needing some scream therapy by the time I headed toward the back of the store for break. And so, Dear Shopper, here is a view from the other side of my register...

We call it the Crap Shift. We work 5:00-ish p.m. to around midnight. There are day cashiers, who head home at five to fix dinner and spend the evening with their families. There are the overnight-ers, who wake from their sleep just before the sun goes down, slam energy drinks, and walk in bright-eyed for the midnight shoppers. Then there are those of us on the Crap Shift. We come in right on the heels of our "day jobs" - some cook lunch for your kids at the elementary school; some tend your babies at day care; some are students who were up all last night studying for an 8:00 exam, classes all day, and now, five-and-a-half dazed hours standing on concrete scanning a ever-flowing river of groceries. We all have one thing in common: we're coming in tired. And we're here just in time for the big evening rush.

You, Dear Shopper, are tired, too. You're on your way home from work, hauling kids who are strung out from too much time sitting in a classroom. All you want is to get your groceries and get out of Mega Mart, go home, eat dinner, and crash on the couch. I understand. I feel exactly the same way. Only I've got five more hours of lifting suitcases of soda and buckets of kitty litter. Then I can shop for my own groceries and head home for a short breather. Another difference between us: I really need to maintain a cheerful attitude, while you maybe feel free to vent by being irritable or rude. Here are a few tips to make the check out process pleasanter for both of us...

Learn to count to 20. If that sounds too difficult, count to 10 twice. Hint: if you actually have to stop and begin digging through your cart to see if you are over the limit for the express check-out, just head for a big belt. I'm not equipped for large orders, and the process will be slower at my "Speedy" check-out (slower for you and all the irritated customers behind you) than if you stood in line behind one other large order at a regular register. Trust me.

Tip 2: If you have limited funds with which to pay for your order, try to have an idea how much your order is going to cost before you get to the register. When I'm buying groceries, I round prices to the next highest dollar and keep a running tally of my total. When I finish scanning your 47 items (because you forgot to count to 20 before getting in the Express lane) and your total bill is twice the cash you have in your purse, no one in a fifteen foot radius is going to be happy when you start asking me to dig items out of your bags and void them off, one at a time, until we count down to the amount you meant to spend. Yes, I'm smiling and putting on a cheerful face, but I'm also fighting a mighty urge to smash your potato chips and bread. Because, when you head for the parking lot, I get to pay for your rude negligence while I'm checking out the frustrated, grouchy people in line behind you.

Tip 3: Do NOT let your little darlings play with the bag carousel. Sooner or later, somebody is going to get hurt. You may not care if it's me ( which it usually is), but surely you don't want your toddler impaled on a bag holder. Hang in there and do the tough job of parenting for a few minutes longer - you'll be home in 15-20 minutes and then you can turn them loose in the yard.

Tip 4: If you think there is a problem with your order, I really do want to make things right...so there's no need to get ugly. My Dad used to say, "You win more bees with honey than with vinegar." Being rude to me, to my CSM, and to my front-end manager is no way to get what you want. If you're pleasant, you can bet we'll go the extra mile to keep you happy. Start cursing and calling us names and you can just bet you're not going to get that vacuum cleaner for half of the marked price. You may, however, get personally escorted from the store.

Tip 5: Imagine that your cashier, like you, is human. You aren't ever going to know that the pretty girl smiling across the register is a single mom struggling to make ends meet, and that she's stressed about being two weeks late on the rent. That the young man bagging your groceries just found out today his parents are filing for divorce. That the lady handing you your receipt tonight won't be here tomorrow because she'll be flying out to arrange her sister's funeral. We'll smile and say "Thank you" and "Have a great day!" - but some of us have heavy hurts and broken hearts underneath. Just be aware that we have real lives and real problems, just like you.

Tip 6: If you're into playing the Extreme Coupon game, please don't assume that I want to lose my job so that you can score big on your check-out total. Don't you think that's asking a little much? Quit trying to work the system. Just stop it. And No, I'm not going to sell this case of sodas to you for half price because you think "No one in their right mind would pay that much for a case of Cokes!"

Tip 7: If you absolutely can't help being rude or ignorant, please don't be both at the same time. If you're rude to me, I can be polite. If you're ignorant, I can be patient and explain something to you. But if you hit me with both at the same time, I feel overwhelmed. Like a deer in the headlights. And don't assume that because you don't understand something, it must be because I'm stupid. I did a quick survey of my co-workers last night, when I was fighting to maintain some semblance of sanity, and there wasn't a single stupid person in the bunch. Actually, quite an intelligent, industrious, personable group of folks working the registers, every single one of them more than a match mentally for the irate woman who shouted "I'm not ignorant! I'm not paying $6.00 for these cookies! You get a store manager over here and tell him I want these marked down to $3.00!" Makes you wonder what this woman does when she has a real crisis on her hands.

There's a silver lining to every cloud...not really, but I'm trying to make a transition.

Here's a big Thank You! to the two 60-ish sisters who came through my line late last night with their small orders. When I finished checking out the second lady (whose order included, among other things, a tube of "personal lubricant"), her sister laughed, "What? No price check?" The second sister giggled.

"I'm sorry - did you need a price checked on one of these items?" I began looking through the bag hanging beside me on the carousel.

"No," joked Sister 1. "We were just laughing about how embarrassed we would get way back when we were both newlyweds, whenever we had to buy condoms. Seems like there always had to be a price check if we bought condoms."

"They'd just blare it out over the intercom for everybody in the store to hear. So embarrassing! It was awful," laughed Sister 2.

Which led to a very silly conversation between the three of us that left me in tears. "I really needed a good laugh - thank you both so much for coming through my line tonight."

"You have a great rest of the night," commented Sister 1 as they turned to leave.

Thanks to these two lovely, cheerful ladies, I did.

HAPPY (LATE) VALENTINE'S DAY!

Number One Song on the Country Music Countdown, Saturday, 2/18/2012 - "All Your Life" by The Band Perry. From the chorus: "Well I don't want the whole world; the sun, the moon, and all their light. I just want to be the only girl You love all your life..." No, I'm not a sold-out fan of country music, but, Yes, I do like this song!

From the lovely Mr. Chesterton, shared this week on Facebook by one of my favorite people: "The revolt against vows has been carried in our day even to the extent of a revolt against the typical vow of marriage. It is most amusing to listen to the opponents of marriage on this subject. They appear to imagine that the ideal of constancy was a joke mysteriously imposed on mankind by the devil, instead of being as it is a yoke consistently imposed on all lovers by themselves. They have invented a phrase, a phrase that is a black v. white contradiction in two words - 'free love' - as if a lover ever had been or ever could be free. It is the nature of love to bind itself, and the institution of marriage merely paid the average man the compliment of taking him at his word. Modern sages offer to the lover with an ill-favoured grin the largest of liberties and the fullest irresponsibility; but they do not respect him as the old Church respected him; they do not write his oath upon the heavens as the record of his highest moment. They give him every liberty except the liberty to sell his liberty, which is the only one that he wants." --G.K. Chesterton, The Defendant

From R.C. Sproul, Jr., who recently watched his wife give up this life for life incorruptible: Valentine the Brave: "A godly husband, then is not one who four times a year takes up the aggravating task of trying to be relational, in order to keep his wife from getting grumpy. Instead a godly husband is tasked with the constant call of communicating his love and commitment to his wife. This is not a few days a year, but every day. Too often husbands get frustrated, even offended by this hard reality..." Go read the entire thing. Right now.

From Ed Welch, that brave man who boldly and graciously takes Scripture and applies it to the most intimate areas of our lives: An Intrusion into the Christian Bedroom. If "I am my beloved's..." doesn't get your blood pumping as you consider the wife God has given/will give you, maybe it's time for a spiritual re-alignment.

The bride for her lover, from Song of Solomon 7:10: "I am my beloved's, and his desire is for me." (Do you not just hear the joy in that verse?!)

From God, recorded in Jeremiah 31:3: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."