It scares me, sometimes, to sit down here at the blog and put my fingers to the keyboard. How appropriate that Scripture exhorts Christians to "work out your own salvation with fear and trembling," for fear and trembling are close acquaintances!
How is it that God compels me to write this or to write that? God lays a burden on my heart, or speaks with ringing clarity through a passage of Scripture or through a brother or sister in Christ, or He meets me in a particular circumstance of life, or in some other way stirs me up so that, without fully understanding why, I am compelled to write.
I often ask, "Why? Why must I write about this, Lord? Why now?" Sometimes He tells me why. A comment or a private message: "Thank you so much for this post. It is exactly what I needed to read today." - or - "Your words have given me new courage." - or - "It is good to know I am not alone." Sometimes, the answer to my "Why?" is a stinging rebuke that leads me to repentance or a challenge that stretches me, pushes me outside my comfort zone.
Often, however, my "Why?" receives no answer.
Then there are times when, compelled to write, I respond: "Really? Must I go there?!" I protest, balk, stall, fighting against the fire growing inside my bones. "No, Lord! Please, do not make me go there!" I love writing here at the blog, but let me be honest: so many of these posts are bathed in tears, written only after long resistance and great struggle.
So it is today.
Today's post is difficult for me to write, for it is written from a broken heart. God has not told me why, or to what end, only to write. I do so with fear and trembling, desperate for and thankful for the prayers of those faithful sisters who take my name often into the throne room of God. I suspect this may grow into multiple posts...I really have no idea...know only that I can no longer bear the fire, and so I must begin.
* * *
"It was a difficult time in my life. My family was disintegrating around me. A close friend died. I was confused, angry, and depressed. I struggled with some really hard questions about God and faith. I went to my church for help. I was given no solid answers, only platitudes - people said I needed to have more faith, and just trust God.
"They offered me no comfort, no assurance, no real hope. I decided then that this Christianity thing was all a bunch of lies, people playing make-believe, trying to make other people 'do the right thing' so maybe we could all feel good about ourselves."
He shifted in his seat. "That's when I left the church."
So much sadness behind those young eyes.
* * *
"I need help. Can I please meet with the session?" The woman wondered if the church leader to whom she spoke noticed she was trembling.
"Absolutely. We have our regularly monthly meeting next week. I will put you on the agenda."
But next week's meeting was cancelled. One of the elders was out of town.
"Please, I need help. Can I meet with you?" she asked again.
"Of course. Come to our December meeting."
But December's meeting was a Christmas social for leaders and their wives, not a "business" meeting. Not a meeting for the flock. Certainly not a meeting for one sheep needing to talk about her problems.
"I need to talk to someone." She no longer tried to hide the trembling, and tears streaked down her cheeks.
"Oh! I am so sorry! Yes, certainly, come to our January meeting. Of course we want to help!"
But January's meeting was rescheduled. Somehow, the woman didn't get the message.
And then, she just disappeared. Was it strange that not one single person called to see if she was okay, to see if she was even still alive?
* * *
"Why did the women at ----/[her church] abandon me?" the young woman asked. "They said they loved me. They said they would always be here for me. But when I needed them most, they disappeared. I was completely broken, I was dying inside, and nobody even checked on me. Nobody prayed with me. Nobody told me they miss me. It's like they completely forgot I exist."
She paused, blinked several times and sniffed. "I love these women. They said they loved me. I believed them." She looked me in the eye. "Why did the women at ---- abandon me?"
I did not have an answer.
* * *
The three people mentioned above are real people. The three churches they attended, real churches.
These three people loved their churches. They were not nominal members, showing up only on holidays and potluck Sundays. They entered into church membership asking: "How can I serve?" They volunteered in the nursery, participated in and taught Bible studies and Sunday school classes, joined in youth activities, prayed for their church leadership, ministered to and wept with other church members. They desired to know God better and to love his people well.
These three churches - you can attend any one of them this Sunday. You will hear solid, biblical preaching from the pulpit. You will sing theologically rich hymns and worship songs. You can read in the bulletin about church programs and activities, opportunities for service, and missionaries and ministries supported by each church. You will be warmly welcomed by friendly, smiling people: "Nice to meet you! I'm so glad you're here!"
* * *
The three people mentioned above did not sink quietly into despair, hoping that someone would notice and take the initiative to help them. When they encountered trials, hardship, and serious faith challenges, they went to their church leadership and to other church members and asked for help.
Help was promised. Help was not given.
I don't have enough fingers to count the number of people who have related similar experiences to me recently. People neglected by and/or deeply wounded by the very ones who should have come to their succor, those charged with their welfare, their shepherds, their sisters and brothers in Christ.
Why does the church neglect and wound her own? I don't know why. That is the question behind this post and those following.
* * *
I do not want to end on a sad note.
God is gently working in the hearts of the three people mentioned above. He is bringing them through grief and despair into new life and hope. He has brought each into a fellowship where they can heal, learn, grow, and serve.
God is faithful, even when the church is not.
like a stone in your throat
1 year ago
2 comments:
I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been missed and I have missed it. Someday I’m a train wreck about to happen but other days I’m flying in the clear blue skies.
I think our hearts are easily hardened. As a pastor I feel like I get all the bad news. I become less surprised by anything. It’s not bitterness (I don’t think). It seems like survival.
I think often of how EMS or trauma units see those horrific things everyday and not lose their mind. They must build walls...become numb and calloused. I think pastors can do the same but we must not.
I’ve surveyed my life to see if I can pinpoint anyone like what you have described. I cannot remember them if I have. However I know that it is very possible for me to do this. Knowing it doesn’t stop it.
I often ask my wife for help with this. She is a great help to me in this. I’m planning to do Biblical counseling training this fall with my wife and daughter. Maybe we will be more keen to needs like this.
I hope this perspective helps. I’m not excusing the above behaviors. Pastors are sheep too. At the end of the day I entrust myself and the flock to the Great Shepherd who will keep us and finish what He began in us. More grace, Lord, more grace!
Jason Snider
I appreciate your comment, Jason. Many laypeople are unaware of the responsibility and pressure pastors carry, both re. teaching/doctrine and care for the flock. You are wise to seek your wife's input, and Biblical counseling training sounds like an awesome way to learn how to better serve the people you shepherd.
I think we laypeople need to be more aware and engaged, too. In the body of Christ, we are all called to love and care for one another. We cannot promote the health and welfare of the church if we settle for superficial relationships, avoid uncomfortable or awkward engagement, are driven by self-promotion/self-protection, or use out-of-context Bible verses as band-aids, treating deep heart wounds like scraped knees.
A couple of years ago, I attended a trauma-counseling workshop led by Diane Langberg at Covenant Seminary in St. Louis. I suppose that conference, more than anything else, opened my eyes to widespread neglect and abuse within the church. I used to think, "Well, yes, but not in MY church!" In the time since that conference, God exposed that self-deception, too.
Since I began this series of posts last week, I have been astounded at the number of people who have contacted me to say "Thank you" or "I felt like you were writing my story," etc. My own experience has been that it is not mean-spirited, evil people who have hurt me the most, but people who I believe genuinely love God and desire good things for his church. Often, I think these people are completely blind to/unaware of the damage they do. And this makes me tremble. Where have I unknowingly neglected or abused a sister or brother in Christ? Like you, Jason, I need more grace. I am thankful that the God who began a good work in me (and also perhaps in those who hurt me) will indeed be faithful to complete it.
- Camille
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