NOT WHERE I WAS BEFORE

Last weekend was rough. I was physically and emotionally depleted from a difficult week at work, grieving the loss of a dear soul (read about that HERE), discouraged by various relationship struggles, and missing my kids and grands something terrible. The world felt dark and heavy, and I languished like Jeremiah at the bottom of a murky cistern.

Been there, done that, way too many times to count.

It's not a place I like to be, but how to get out of that dark hole when overcome with weariness and grief?

Sigh.

There was nothing to do but try to start climbing...

Step 1: "I know that the way I feel today is not the way I will feel forever. My feelings will change." At almost 60 years old, I know that feelings come and go, and they can change dramatically in a short time. Life felt pretty dark and hopeless Friday evening, Saturday, Sunday...but by Monday, with a healthy dose of sunshine and warmer temperatures, my feelings began to change.

Step 2: "Despite how I feel today, I am not alone. There are people who love me and who are praying for me." And I began to name them. Teresa, Donna, Katherine, Brenda, Sue, Jill, Cindy, Cathy, Emily, Martha, Helen, Mary, Suzanne,.....

Step 3: "My life matters. Today, my feelings may tell me I have no value, but the truth is, my life makes a difference for good." Weekly, I am blessed to be able to pour courage and strength and comfort into dying people and into those who love them. What a sacred calling!

Step 4: "I am not where I was before." A few years ago, I frequently had no idea how I was going to buy groceries for the week, I drove a borrowed vehicle to run errands in town, health issues were ignored, and gift-giving occasions - like birthdays, Christmas, weddings, baby showers - triggered deep distress. Today, I have food in the fridge, a reliable car, am managing my blood pressure, and am seeing a therapist regularly to work through decades of pain and desperation. Last weekend was dark, but even in the darkness, I knew that my life was far better than it had once been, and that was encouraging.

Despite the fact that my challenges, struggles, and frustrations have not changed significantly over the past week, I am today in a much better place mentally and emotionally than I was last weekend. No big surprise there...but still, I am thankful.

I hope today is a great day for you.

But if it's not, please remember this: today is not forever.

Today is not forever.

Hold on the best you can.

I pray that God will give you strength to start climbing.