Saggy is the word that best describes how I felt at the end of the day yesterday.No nuclear-meltdown type crises...just one small disappointment and frustration after another.
It was a running day. Lots of errands in town.
Our awesome dual-enrollment liaison at UTM worked out a perfect couple of classes for my youngest. But when I got online to register, I encountered a few glitches - nothing major, but it'll be another couple of days before we can register for the classes and finally check that off the list.
Great check up at the eye doctor - but lacked the funds to purchase a new supply of contacts. That'll have to wait, too.
#3 Son got a call for a job he really wants, was asked to come in and test for the job - to test on the same day he leaves for his two-week training with the USMC Reserves. Since the testing can't be rescheduled and since my son can't miss Reserve training, he is now off the list of potential candidates for the job.
The lamb my daughter is excited about showing at her first Expo this weekend had some health issues that may be resolved by Saturday...or maybe not. After months of hard work, she's disappointed that she might not be able to show her lamb. Again, we'll just have to wait and see. We're trying to stay optimistic.
Our WiFi router is dead. Steve told me how to use the cell phone as a mobile hotspot, which is awesome...almost. Trying to register for college classes and to submit 2000-word articles online has been like trying to blow Silly Putty through a drinking straw. Patience and perseverance are virtues, yes?
I was not sad after all of yesterday's disappointments. Just saggy.
So, all of this BLAH to say: I got up this morning and headed out to the porch swing with my Bible and a cup of coffee. I sat and prayed for a long time and soaked up the beauty of the early-morning hay field, intentionally savoring the small and very good things of early morning sunlight and raucous birdsong.
I took time to breathe and to remind myself of the 3 GREAT TRUTHS that support me like bedrock, regardless of my circumstances:
- God is sovereign.
- God is good.
- God loves me very much.
Yes, I thought, God loves me very much. This is true even when my spirits sag.
And it is because I am confident that God loves me very much that I can enjoy the beauty of sunrise in the hay field, and at the same time honestly own my drooping spirits.
Thank you, Father, that you love me so much that I don't have to feel like I must always come to you happy. Thank you for making me so safe that I can come to you when I am less-than-happy, when I feel a bit tattered around the edges.
You love me - I know this is true. Sometimes, though, I kinda feel like I need to be reminded again.
After a lengthy time of quiet reflection, I picked up my Bible and flipped to the next passage on my read-through-the-Bible calendar. I read a couple of chapters in 2 Kings, then turned to Ephesians 3. And I read this:
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." - Ephesians 3:14-19
IS NOT THIS GOD SO VERY, VERY GOOD?!!!
Then I flipped to the Psalms. Reading a Psalm every day is not on my "official" calendar: the Psalms are not scheduled until late August. But if I don't feel pressed to go inside and start my work day, or if I feel emotionally saggy and just want to sit a few minutes longer on the porch swing talking with my Father, I read a Psalm when I finish my other reading.
So I turned to the next Psalm. Psalm 118 begins and ends like this:
"Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; for his steadfast love endures forever!" [Emphasis added.]
Am I still feeling saggy? Yes, truthfully, just a little.
Am I loved? Beyond a shadow of a doubt.
And incredibly tenderly, too.