URGENT!

URGENT: Cure discovered for toenail fungus!

Seriously, people, this was in the subject bar of a recent message in my email junk folder. Can someone please explain to me how "toenail fungus" and "urgent" make sense in the same sentence? Maybe if I actually had toenail fungus, I would understand.

When all my kids were still at home, the word "urgent" was reserved for things like asphyxiation, severe head wounds, broken bones, the washing machine going on the blink, or the two-year-old needing to go potty.

My daughter is rather keen these days on getting to the mailbox the minute the mailman arrives. Urgent might be a little bit strong of a word to use in her case, but it's not too far off the mark.

I've had a really bad case of chiggers before, and I've had some miserable poison ivy rashes. Chiggers and poison ivy have a sense of the "urgent" about them - relief can't come fast enough!

As a child, I made it a tradition to stomp a nail into my foot almost every summer. I can testify that a rusty nail in the foot needs urgent attention.

I am 53 years old now. These days, things besides chiggers and puncture wounds set my "urgent" alarm bells ringing:

I know the location of all the best public restrooms in a one-hour radius from my home...because when I need to GO, there ain't no time for dilly-dallying!

That first cup of coffee in the morning? Yep, add that to the list.

Hot flashes: I need a cold shower, an icy beverage, and a high-powered fan, NOW. The beer cave at the local Quick Mart is a paradisaical oasis for a woman in my stage of life. I'm surprised they haven't posted a sign on the door: "WOMEN OVER 50 NOT ALLOWED."

Email spammers have it all wrong. Toenail fungus, hair loss, and the latest scoop on Hillary Clinton are not matters of urgency. That recipe my sister-in-law shared for a beer-Kahlua-chocolate-ice cream float, on the other hand...

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What about you? What makes your "urgent" list?