THE NEEDY

"I want someone to see and acknowledge the truth. I want to be vindicated!" Finally, it felt like I was getting to the root of my disquiet.

I was tired of being misunderstood, misrepresented, and maligned. I was tired of the manipulation, dismissive-ness, and relational ineptitude. I was tired of the duplicity, the emotional jockeying, the scripted dialogues, and the verbal power plays.

Such unpleasantness is not to be unexpected in this life, but still, I was so very tired of it all.

I am thankful for friends who consistently point me back to Jesus. "And, yet, look at Jesus. He was misunderstood and misrepresented. He was lied about and abused. Even when no one understood or appreciated him or what He was doing, He faithfully persevered at the work God sent him to do. He kept pouring himself out for sinful people like us, even when no one defended him." Everyone needs a friend like my friend Carol.

Because God loves to speak with precision into my daily struggles, He had me read this the morning after the above conversation:

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you" (Matthew 6:1-4).

Ouch.

I have always thought of this passage in terms of material giving: money, food, clothing, school supplies, transportation, childcare, etc. Physical things to meet the physical needs of the physically poor people around me. And surely, this passage is referring to these very practical physical needs and gifts.

But last week, on the heels of my expressed frustration and my friend's admonition, this passage took on a much broader meaning.

"...when you give to the needy..." Who are the needy? Can this passage also refer to emotional/relational "gifts" to meet the emotional/relational needs of the emotionally/relationally poor people around me?

There are those - like me - who feel compelled to justify everything they say or do, people so vulnerable and insecure that they feel unworthy to be loved unless they convince the people around them that they are in the right and that all others are in the wrong when they encounter differences in thought and experience.

There are those - I struggle against this temptation myself - who believe that God's grace is big and wonderful and free...for ME, that is, but not for those offensive people who, out of ignorance or evil intent, say unkind or untrue things to me and about me. God's grace and mercy are only almost big enough for those people.

There are those - I am one of them - who verbally affirm the gospel of grace and proclaim the good news of Christ's righteousness on behalf of sinners, only to retire to their prayer closets to recite their rosaries of good deeds and exemplary behavior.

Concerning these needy people, with whom I so intimately relate, my wicked heart cries:

"Sound the trumpet! I have given to the needy! I have answered the gossip with words of kindness, and I have prayed for the slanderer! In the face of false accusations, I have maintained integrity and a countenance of peace. Sound the trumpet! Let everyone affirm: I am vindicated!"

But God's Word commands:

"...when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others...But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

Gods sees the secret places of my heart. And because God sees, I no longer need to be vindicated before others.

I pray often for God to show me my sin and grant me true repentance. I pray for him to humble me  and help me, by the power of his indwelling Spirit, to walk in greater conformity to Christ.

I can testify to this: if you ask God to show you your sins, He will.

Who are the needy?

I am.