That question almost made me cry. I didn't know the answer. And, try as I may, I couldn't remember what it was that I used to enjoy doing way back in the days before babies and sleep deprivation and too much work and too little money. If I could do whatever I wanted, I'd probably just sleep!
The question made me sad, and it made me angry. Why even ask such a question, if a day to do "whatever I wanted" was an impossibility? Why stir up thoughts of neglected hobbies and forgotten dreams if they could not be acted on? Better to leave such thoughts dormant.
Then, many years after that first question, another friend asked, "What energizes you? What is that, when you're doing it, you feel completely alive? Like you wish you could just do this forever?" I could not remember. But, this time, I resolved to think - think hard. To try to dredge up some memory of a time when I felt awake and vigorous, instead of like I was clinging wearily to the edge of a narrow precipice above a dark and bottomless pit of exhaustion.
My friend prayed.
I thought hard.
And I remembered.
One large pink spiral-bound notebook after that second conversation, I want to report: I have enjoyed increasing opportunities to minister to and study God's Word with a growing circle of women. Growing in grace with my sisters in Christ is indeed an exhilarating journey! And I have finished Book #1 - makes me feel like a kid on Christmas morning.
So today, I want to say THANK YOU to Katherine, for pulling me back from the precipice, for asking the question, for listening, and for praying. Thank you for the big pink notebook. Thank you for the encouragement to look up, to dare to dream again. It is not an overstatement, my friend, to say that you saved my life.
And I want to say THANK YOU to Lisa, for brightening my world like a ray of brilliant sunshine. For repeatedly affirming and encouraging me as I've begun the challenge of learning how to dance on this side of the valley. For showing me anew how beautiful this life is.
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