Saturday, December 26, 2009


Don't think you're "country" (see previous post) just because you like to eat at Cracker Barrel and your favorite place to shop is Bass Pro Shops. Here's a more thorough test of whether or not you are truly country-fied. And if you think I'm making any of this up - NO, I'm not. I have friends, neighbors, and/or relatives possessing the qualities below!


1. Your dog is named Blue and your cat is named Tom. You have siblings named Bubba and Sissy and, even though you are 65 years old, you still call your parents Momma and Daddy.

2. You have ever gone swimming in a cow pond. With the cows. Without swim trunks.

3. Your Momma knows what kind of ammo is best for shooting beaver.

4. You let the dogs inside on a cold winter night - not to keep them warm, but to keep you warm.

5. You learned to drive a tractor and a flat-bed dually before ever driving a car. And you learned to drive your Momma's car when you were thirteen years old.

6. You have at least three different species of dead animals hanging on your walls.

7. You store bobcat furs and beaver pelts (at least until the fur buyer comes through in February) in the deep freeze, right next to the deer steaks and rabbit meat.

8. You eat fried squirrel with biscuits and squirrel gravy. For breakfast.

9. Your BBQ is pork, your ham is salt-cured, your chicken is fried, your tea is sweet, your coffee is black, and you eat cornbread or biscuits at every meal, just like your 98-year-old greatgranddaddy does.

10. For dessert, you crumble cornbread into a glass, then pour buttermilk over it and eat with a spoon.

11. Your middle name is your Nanny's maiden name.

12. A "date" is going out for potato wedges and Co-cola at the Best-Way.

13. You answer women, "Yes, ma'am." You answer men with, "Yes, sir." And you still kiss your Momma in public even though you are a male who is a teenager or older.

14. You shoot your dog if it growls at children or kills chickens. You shoot the neighbor's dog if it's chasing your cows - you expect him to do the same if your dog chases his livestock. And you're not ashamed of shedding a few tears when you bury old Blue under the willow tree out back.

15. You think slow is good, quiet is nice, and there's no need to spoil the peace by talking when it's enough to sit side-by-side on the porch swing listening to the land breathe.

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