HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION

Hypothetical situation:

Dad volunteers to fly solo at home with the kids so that Mom can enjoy a much-needed rest from the demands of motherhood. As Mom leaves to spend two stress-free days relaxing with her best momfriends at a cabin on the lake, or for a weekend women's retreat with the ladies from her church, Dad assures his wife, "I've got this, Baby. Don't worry about a thing. Just relax and have fun. Enjoy yourself!" With one toddler on his hip and three-year-old wrapped around his leg, Dad smiles as he waves goodbye from the driveway.

And then...

The party starts.

Back-to-back movies and non-stop video games. Forget chores: laundry and vacuuming and dirty dishes can wait until Monday. Getting the kids down for naps is impossible...we'll all just sleep late tomorrow morning. Lucky Charms for breakfast, McDonald's for lunch, and frozen pizza for supper. Plus, a late night run for ice cream, just because this is kind of a holiday, right?, and Dad is cool like that. Besides, we're all sleeping in late tomorrow, so what difference does it make what time the kids come down off their sugar high and finally get into bed?

And so Mom rolls back into the driveway Sunday evening, refreshed from a restful weekend, and is greeted by...

A houseful of tired, nasty, strung out, over-sugared, fussy kids, an overflowing laundry basket, Doritos crumbs stomped into the living room carpet, and the awesome-est Dad in the universe.

Mom's relaxed muscles beginning contracting into steel cables down her neck and across her shoulders.

She smiles and hugs the kids. Re-entry - Monday morning - is going to be hell.

Oh, well. The holiday was nice while it lasted!

* * * * *

Hypothetical situation:

Mom volunteers to hold down the office so that Dad can enjoy a long-anticipated fishing trip with his buddies. "Don't worry about a thing, Baby...I've got this!" she assures her husband as he loads rods&reels, tackle boxes, and a cooler into the bed of his pickup. "Have fun and enjoy your trip!"

And then...

The party starts.

Mom hauls all the kids into the office so she can keep an eye on everyone while she answers the phone, checks emails, schedules appointments for next week, and invoices customers. She lets the toddler redecorate Dad's work area while the 4-year-old depletes all of the dry-erase markers on the filing cabinets. Forget checking emails and scheduling appointments - funny cat videos on YouTube are so much more entertaining!

Mom orders Chinese, delivered, because the kids need to eat some vegetables and because fortune cookies and chopsticks make lunch feel like a holiday, right? Mom is cool like that. Never mind that Billy slings lo-mein noodles into the fax machine and Jane squirts soy sauce on the computer keyboard.

Mom and the kids stop at Cracker Barrel for dinner on the way home (don't worry about the weekly grocery budget) because they serve vegetables - and kids need vegetables - and because one parent shouldn't have to cook if the other parent is out of town, right? Forget washing and ironing Dad's shirts and khakis for next week - Mom is exhausted after a day at the office, and, anyway, this is a sort of a holiday. Right?

And so, wearing a rumpled shirt and last Friday's not-too-terribly-dirty khakis, Dad sits down to work Monday morning to a sticky keyboard and a jammed fax machine. When he tries to check email, he discovers that his internet tabs have been reset to Pinterest, FaceBook, and sites for flash-mobs and baby hedgehogs. And he can't find the stapler, the hole puncher, or the answering machine, anywhere.

Oh, well. The holiday was nice while it lasted!

* * * * *

It happened again last week. I saw a dad out with his kids, and when I asked him how he was doing, he answered, "It's a little bit crazy at our house right now...sort of a weekend long party! I'm babysitting this weekend so Sally can enjoy a couple of days of rest."

"No," I replied, "you are not babysitting. You are the dad:  it's called parenting."

What I really wanted to say was, "It's called parenting, Dad, and it's your job. Yes, it's hard work. Are you leaning into the harness this weekend so that Sally's rest isn't undone her first day home, or are you just skating by until Sally gets home to clean up behind you?"

Kids don't take time off from being kids just because Mom or Dad needs a break. Whether at home or at the office, parenting children is a 24-hour-a-day, 7-days-a-week kind of job.

Are you ready for Active Duty?