The subject I needed to broach with him was a simple thing, really - not much bigger than plans for Sunday dinner - and yet I was loathe to initiate a conversation. We agree on so little, it seems, and this was certain to be one more thing about which we would have conflicting opinions.
Why was I so afraid to bring up such a small matter?! I wondered, stalling to postpone the inevitable.
Why? Because more than anything, I wanted his approval and respect, his affirmation. I wanted to be validated. I knew that instead, I would be challenged, criticized, and very probably dismissed.
I am fifty-two years old. I have been a Christian for as long as I can remember. And yet, there are lessons I have to learn over and over and over, lessons I will probably still be learning/relearning years from now. As I sat pondering what made me so uncomfortable about the above situation, it occurred to me:
I was so uncomfortable because I was basing my worth and my security on the opinions and the responses of another person instead of on Christ and his ginormous love for me.
God loves me, and I am his.
God loves me. Regardless of what others think of me. Regardless of how they respond to me. Regardless of whether I sound smart or do things the right way or not. Regardless of whether I am understood or misunderstood, treated with respect or belittled, validated or dismissed.
God loves me.
I knew that, but, for a moment, I forgot.
God loves me.
That kind of validation, that kind of affirmation...God loves me...my fear is simply no match for that kind of love.
2 months ago