ANOTHER FIRST...ALONE & QUIET

 Another first in a season of firsts...

I walked up and addressed the young woman behind the counter: "I need a room for the night. Do you have any available?"

Sixty-two years old, cranky hip that no longer tolerates long drives, and for the first time in my life, I stopped and booked overnight lodging for myself, all by myself.

(PAUSE HERE to appreciate the fact that I could even make this trip last weekend to a memorial service for my Mom. Jules asked me this evening what are some things I am thankful for. Well, I am thankful that I have a job I enjoy, and a reliable vehicle, and enough money in the bank to buy gas and to stop when I can't drive any further. And I am SUPER thankful for the good friend who found Montgomery Bell State Park online and encouraged me to stop and rest.)

Every First is an education.

Lesson 1: "Alone" is very quiet.

No travel companion to talk with. I took a solitary walk along the edge of Acorn Lake, sat alone in a swing as evening settled over the water.

Initially, quiet felt uncomfortable. Like my mind was searching, scrolling, reaching for some point of contact with another human.

I hiked back to my very nice and very empty room at the lodge, changed into my bathing suit, and headed to the pool. A young family splashed and laughed in the shallow end of the pool; two older couples chatted as they bobbed together mid-pool.

I slipped into the cool water and swam. To my sore body, the water felt like a welcoming friend.

Later, a "drink"...alone. Dinner...alone. And then back to my empty room.

Over the course of the evening, the uncomfortable feeling of aloneness gave way to internal quiet. Peace. Rest.

The next morning, I enjoyed a quiet sunrise over the water and coffee on the balcony with God and my Bible. Prayers for family. Prayers for friends. Prayers of gratitude for God's provision, kindness, and faithfulness.

So. Much. Thankfulness.

After breakfast...alone...I packed, loaded the car, and hit "home" on the GPS.

Saturday afternoon, I had been terrified to stop by myself. Sunday morning, I drove away from Montgomery Bell State Park with a deep, deep quiet in my heart. "I'm okay." I smiled, a huge ridiculous smile. "I am going to be okay."

Lesson 2: Quiet is incredibly revelatory.

It took most of Saturday evening for my thoughts to move from unsettled, busy, searching - to - simply being present, alone in my own skin, still in the presence of God.

After last weekend, I suspect we use music and podcasts, TV and internet scrolling, nonstop chatter about work and sports and hobbies and church, to fill our heads with background noise so that we can avoid the uncomfortable place of standing silent before God.

Lesson 3: Quiet is grounding, healing, therapeutic.

Before my overnight stop last weekend, alone felt scary. Now, after that stop, I am resolved to make time a couple of times a year to be away and completely alone, quiet, fully present and undistracted in the presence of my Savior.

* * *

And [God] said [to Elijah], "Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind and earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a thin silence... 1 Kings 19:11-12