ON THE JOB

Funny things I've heard while working as a cashier....

Me: Hello! How are you today?
Customer, riding a motorized shopping cart: I'm doing great! I've been rather ill lately and not able to get out much, so it was wonderful to come do my shopping here today.
Me: I'm glad you're feeling better and able to get out now.
Customer: Yes, me, too. And I always see so many people I know here. I find lots of people to talk to. Like you, for instance. You're stuck behind that cash register and can't go anywhere, so I can sit here and talk to you for as long as I want. (Yes, she actually said that.)
Me, laughing: I suppose you're right!
Customer: (Tells me about her recent surgery, and a blog she writes, and a recipe for mozzarella-tomato salad. Several minutes after finishing her transaction, she starts her scooter, smiles and waves.) Well, it's been nice talking! I'll see you again next week!

Customer, a lively older gentleman: This must be my lucky day - I got the pretty cashier!
Me, laughing: Well, I think all the cashiers working up front today are pretty!
Customer, leaning across the conveyor belt with a twinkle in his eyes: Yes, but I got the prettiest!
Me: Thinking, Okay, you stay on that side of the register and I'll stay on this side and we'll get along just fine...

Customer, to his small child: Put that down and come stand next to the buggy.
Small child: fuss, whine, wail (not obeying)
Customer: Stop that bawling. You're making everyone here miserable.
Small child: fuss, wail, whine...(still not obeying)
Customer: If you don't be quiet and get over here, that lady (points at me - the cashier) is going to come around here and spank you!
Small child: (Looks at me with cow eyes and quietly ooches over next to Dad)

Customer (a large, sun-baked man who looks like he just stepped off his tractor; he holds up in front of himself two gingham sundresses, the kind with spaghetti straps and eyelet around the hem - one red, one white): What do you think? Which one do you think looks best?
Me, laughing: Well, personally, red is my favorite color, but the white really looks great against your tan.
Customer chuckles and grins sheepishly: Oh, these are for her. (He motions toward an invisible woman standing next to him.)
Me: Ooooo-kay. (I look toward the invisible woman.) Which one do you like better?
No answer.
Customer looks over his shoulder toward invisible woman, then turns a deep shade of red: Oh. D***. Well, I'll just take them both.

Then there was the time I keyed in the produce code for pineapples, then for "Quantity?" entered "50." I know....simply defies explanation doesn't it? Anybody want to purchase a pineapple plantation? See cashier on register 19!

Or the time a customer dropped a six-pack of canned sodas. One of the cans exploded, sending up a geyser that sprayed everyone in the adjacent two lanes. Thankfully, a quick-thinking fellow dashed over and aimed the fountain downward, saving us from the sugary deluge. What a sticky mess, all over everything. Sometimes, you just gotta laugh!