Wednesday, November 5, 2014

ADIOS, LONE RANGER (Groom, Part 2)

Yesterday, we looked at how the woman was created as a help "meet" for the man. Today, I want to explore the implications of that idea further.

Dear Groom,
There is no room in marriage for a Lone Ranger mentality.
Your Mother

Some men - perhaps because of that same skewed Greek philosophy I mentioned yesterday - seem to think that as the man/husband/head of the household, they are responsible for making every decision and facing every difficulty on their own, independently of their wives. They do not seek input from their wives, and resent input when it is volunteered. They perceive suggestions and opinions different from their own as challenges to their authority.

Big things (like career changes, relocations, major purchases) and little things (children's bedtimes, entertainment, home decorating) - these men feel it is their responsibility to make all decisions without consulting their wives, and it is their wives' responsibility to act on those decisions without commenting or asking questions.

Such men are, as the old saying goes, "shooting [themselves] in the foot."

God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." (Genesis1:18)

I think we can safely conclude from this short passage that:
1.) It was not good for man to be alone.
2.) God created a helper for the man.
3.) The helper which God created - the woman - was fit for/suitable for the man.

The husband who asserts that he does not need his wife and who does not seek her help is basically saying:
1.) I am fine on my own.
2.) I do not need a helper.
3.) I am perfectly capable of doing everything myself.
...all of which sounds very contrary to to what we've just read in Genesis.

Some husbands think of the wife as a "helper" strictly in terms of someone who cleans the bathroom, keeps the laundry caught up, and takes the dog out to pee. Yes, these are valuable services - take a minute to find out just how much you'd have to pay an employee to perform all the household services normally done by your wife! But the term ezer communicates an idea of help which is much larger and more potent.

Ezer help is more than valet service. It's the intensely personal, vigorous, sometimes uncomfortable help of someone involved in Kingdom work, work that is physical, mental, and spiritual.

When you play Lone Ranger, you not only "shoot yourself in the foot" - you also squelch your wife's ability to express her God-given helper design, and you run the danger of crippling her spiritually and emotionally. Play the Lone Ranger in your marriage long enough, and you may very well end up finding yourself alone.

So, young groom, today I want to exhort you to not only recognize your wife's helper design, but to fully appreciate and utilize the gifts, skills, and insight that God has given her.

Setting family goals, making major decisions (career, moves, etc.), planning a budget, parenting - all of these should be done in dialogue with your wife, not independently of your wife.

Yes, you are the head of your young family. And if you are a wise head, you will value the suitable help of your wife. Do not waste the good gift that God has given you!

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