WHY DOES THE CHURCH NEGLECT HER OWN? (Part 4 of 4)

(This is Part 4 of a 4-part series. For previous posts, click: Part 1; Part 2; Part 3.)

Why does the church neglect and wound her own? I can think of lots of possible reasons: sin, apathy, laziness, self-interest, callousness, ignorance, denial, wrong doctrine, misplaced loyalties, blindness (sometimes willful), rebellion...

While the question deeply concerns me and is worth study, accurately diagnosing why a particular congregation of the visible church neglects or wounds its members is a job for someone with much more life experience and training than I possess. I am, however, qualified to say to someone who has been wounded by the church she loves: "You are not alone." If you are that person, I want to encourage you:

It is okay to acknowledge, "This happened to me, and it was wrong." Pretending that "It's all good!" when, in fact, it is NOT all good is not only not helpful - to you or to the church - it is harmful. Settling for a false short-term peace over the grungier long-term work of sanctification and spiritual health is like taking an aspirin to treat cancer.

Acknowledge the hurt, but don't make it your whole life. Of the churches mentioned in Part 1 of this series of posts, all three have serious problems that need to be addressed, but they also have many strengths and positive qualities. If you have been hurt by the church (or by someone in the church), resist the urge to paint the situation with one big brush - everything about the church/person is all bad, all the time. Acknowledge what is wrong, but also be mindful of what is good. Then, move ahead. The future is much bigger than the past.

Obviously, if you attend a local church where Scripture is not preached and taught accurately and faithfully, you need to find another church! Likewise, if your local church fosters and perpetuates attitudes, policies, and practices that undermine the spiritual health of its members, and if the church has a history of refusing to correct this situation, you need to find another church. Do not feel guilty about that.

Leaving a church you love is not an easy thing to do, and the decision to leave an unhealthy church is not one that should be made lightly. Dig deeply into God's Word and prayerfully seek your Father's will. Find other Christians to pray for you and with you. Seek outside counsel. Pray for God to guide each step as you walk this difficult path.

One of the beauties of the Gospel is that Christ redeems everything in the lives of his followers. This includes our wounds, our tears, and our brokenness. I see two ways (there are doubtless more) that a child of God can grow from and learn from a bad experience in the church:

First, these experiences expose ways that we are prone to make the church an idol. Yes, I should love my church and I should be able to trust my sisters and brothers in Christ, particularly my leadership, to have my best interest at heart and to love me well. But, where have I perhaps placed a level of confidence and security in others that I should place only in God? God is a jealous God, and He will not tolerate idolatry in his people - even if the thing I "worship" is a good thing, like my local church. Where I am convicted of such idolatry, I need to repent.

Second, ask yourself, "What have I learned from this experience that equips me to better love others in the church?" Going back to the three people mentioned in Part 1: The woman ignored by her church leadership knows personally how painful it is to be "put off" and forgotten; she knows that when a sister in Christ says, "I need to talk," she needs to make time to listen, the sooner the better. The young man given no satisfactory answers to hard questions, he knows personally how damaging trite answers and misapplied Bible verses can be to the souls of the wounded, and he will not want to do to others what was done to him. The young woman abandoned by her church, she knows now how important it is - how necessary, if we are to emulate Christ - to walk toward the suffering rather than away, even if it makes her uncomfortable.

When we've been hurt, we often want to focus entirely on the faults of the offender and on how that person needs to correct certain attitudes and behaviors. Listen to someone who has been there: you cannot control the behavior of others. What you can do, however, is choose how you will behave.

Every single one of us how the power to be a force for health, healing, growth, and meaningful relationship within the church. What will you do?